


Neatly Tied Strings

by inkberrry



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Flashbacks, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Personal Growth, Reunions, Ten Years Later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-09-21 19:47:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17049455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkberrry/pseuds/inkberrry
Summary: Roy lived with the knowledge that something in his life was out of balance. Some trade was not being equally met. He felt it deep in his chest and the tips of his fingers, and he continued living. Day by day he did his job and aged and smiled and hurt. Some things just didn’t get resolved; some stories ended with no neatly tied strings all together.*Time passes after the Promised Day, and life continues on. Roy and Edward meet again after years apart, and Roy starts to see him in a new light.*





	1. Chapter 1

Something was wrong in Roy Mustang’s life.  
  
It had been wrong for years, like some piece of a dusty puzzle just slightly out of place. A stubborn, insistent ache of _something_. He couldn’t pin point it, try as he might. And god, how he’d tried. Frantically at first, right after the commotion of the Promised Day wore off. He filled his time with work and progress, assigning each second to a task. He thought that would certainly set his life back into its rightful groove.  
  
But it didn’t. Time passed, weeks followed by months, then years. The feeling remained, and Roy was no closer to its source than when it started.  
  
Riza insisted on therapy, and he loved her for that insistence. Without it he wasn’t sure he would have made it even this far. It was an outlet for the thoughts he didn’t even know he had, and an unbiased ear for the tightly spoken fears. Even stepping carefully through the minefield of his trauma he still couldn’t figure out what it was that left him slumped over his desk each night, or waking too early to sip mindlessly on cup after cup of coffee. It was just out of reach, or else buried too deep.  
  
Maybe, he thought, he didn’t want to know at all. Maybe he was too comfortable with the wrongness, too attached to the feeling to let it go. Maybe that was his payment for nearing his goals; he deserved the ache and the gnawing empty feeling.  
  
 That was a whole other issue itself though, and one Roy avoided as much as he could. There were only so many things he could process at a time.  
  
So he lived with the knowledge that something in his life was out of balance. Some trade was not being equally met. He felt it deep in his chest and the tips of his fingers, and he continued living. Day by day he did his job and aged and smiled and hurt. Some things just didn’t get resolved; some stories ended with no neatly tied strings all together.  
  
Roy’s fingers were at his temples while he went over the thought again in his office. It was mid morning by then and the streaming sun hit his desk and ignited the cherrywood surface until it almost looked like flames. He had work to do, with papers stacked on either side of him and calls lined up throughout the afternoon. Names and numbers were listed by the receiver, some familiar and some unknown. A glass of water sat untouched next to his stained coffee mug, empty of its second round.  
  
“Hey, General. Working hard?”  
  
Roy looked up from his favorite knot of wood on the desk and into the face of Major Havoc. He still had that damn effortless charm plastered along his easy grin and strong jaw. The years had been kind to him, in perhaps a consolation for the pain and trails he went through. He stood on his own two legs now, leaning against Roy’s doorframe like nothing in the world had ever set him back.  
  
“Shouldn’t that be my question to you?”  
  
His answer came with a smirk, wiping the tense crease from his brow as he folded his hands in front of him.  
  
“Ah well, you know me. I’m always working hard.” Havoc pushed off the frame and stepped inside, his left leg dragging just enough for Roy to notice. When he reached the seat across his desk Havoc sat down, uninvited but not reprimanded. “I heard some interesting gossip on my way in this morning. About an old familiar face.”  
  
“Oh?” Roy raised his brows and leaned back, settling himself in just as much as Havoc was. “Come on, don’t keep me in suspense.”  
  
Havoc paused, doing just that. _It must be something he knows will rile me up_ , Roy thought. _Something he wants to savor my reaction from_. He could be patient though, and simply drummed his fingers along the back of his hand, waiting. Havoc didn’t last long under his even gaze, and leaned forward in his seat as he spoke.  
  
“A certain former alchemist is in Central. Armstrong was practically gushing about letting him crash at his place for the time being.”  
  
“Full Metal?” Roy’s hands unfolded, and one of them moved to twist at the lowest button of his uniform. He looked away from Havoc and out the window, searching the building tops with no goal in mind. “Wonder what new trouble he’s starting in my city. Better keep an eye out for him.”  
  
“Your city, huh? I like that, General.”  
  
“So do I.” When Roy looked back to Havoc he was grinning again, lopsided and knowing. He returned his own, the edges of his lips tugging. “Now get out of my office.”  
  
While Havoc left the room Roy had a chance to let the news wash over him. His smile faltered, though didn’t fade entirely.  
  
Full Metal. Edward Elric.  
  
It had been nine years since the Promised Day. Almost ten, marked by the whispers of remembrance planned. Almost ten years and Roy had seen Edward few enough times to count on his fingers. The last was over five years ago, when Edward had stormed out of his office, his long cloak catching in the draft of his steps. Just like endings, some beginnings were never tied neatly either.  
  
“Are you going to look for Edward Elric?”  
  
Another voice disturbed Roy from his thoughts, and this time when he looked up he didn’t bother to change his expression. He couldn’t hide the truth from Riza even if he tried.  
  
“What, me? Look for that boy?” Roy shrugged, though his fingers still twisted around his uniform’s buttons. An indent against the skin flared red, the pressure increasing. “I should let him come to me.”  
  
“He will.”      
  
Riza’s tone wasn’t the hard, firm remark Roy expected. It sounded like the breeze coming through the curtains; soft and strong, but hesitant. Caught and tangled with something bigger than itself, and struggling to decide if this was its place or not. Roy supposed it was. She was the only other one who knew why Edward hadn’t been back to see him in years after all.  
  
“I think it would be good for you to catch up,” Riza went on. She crossed her arms over her chest and stayed just inside the room, making no move to come closer or back down. “You know how you’ve been lately.”  
  
_How he’d been lately_. That was a shot right to the vitals, courtesy of Riza’s never failing aim. Roy suppressed the urge to flinch, and his hands finally settled back on the desk. She was right, of course. It probably would be good to catch up with Edward. At the very least it would distract him for an evening.  
  
“Maybe,” he said, and the look on Riza’s face told him it was a beat too late. He bowed his head down to avoid her eyes and reached for his stack of papers. “Let me know when he comes barging into the office.”

* * *

  
Roy spent the rest of the morning and into the afternoon with his papers and phone calls. He had lunch at his usual time, met with his usual subordinates to issue orders, and watched the sun pass over the buildings outside his window. Only occasionally did he catch himself twisting the hem of his uniform or tapping his pen against the corner of his desk.  
  
Just as the final golden beams of light were filtering through the curtains Roy heard his name called from the hall. The sound of Edward’s voice was unmistakable: brash and warm, insistent and welcoming. A shiver of memories went through Roy, momentarily stunning him into inaction.  
  
“Yo, Mustang!”       
  
The door flung open and bounced softly against the wall, and the unusual sound of the metal knob hitting the stone snapped Roy from his paralysis. Papers forgotten, he looked at the doorway and the figure of Edward Elric filling it.  The light from the hall outlined him, adding a soft glow to the edges of his body and clothes. Roy couldn’t make out his face until he stepped closer and the light behind him dispersed, destroying the silhouette.  
  
“Still sitting around slacking off? Should have expected that.”  
  
Now Roy could see the smirk on Edward’s lips and the shine in his eyes. Another wave of memories rushed by, spurred on by the familiar expression and the answering grin he gave Edward.  
  
“Full Metal. Still lacking etiquette and respect. I’m not surprised.”  
  
Edward’s laughter filled the room, echoing off the tall ceiling and the dusty shelves of books. He sauntered forward and draped himself over the nearest chair, his feet lifting to prop up on Roy’s desk. Every movement he made looked fluid, like he was gliding through water with no resistance. _Had he always moved like that?_ Roy wasn’t certain.  
  
“God, you’re an ass,” Edward said, smile still holding strong. “It’s good to see you.”  
  
“Likewise.” Roy reached forward across the desk to shove Edward’s feet off, scattering a few slips of paper in the process. It gave him an excuse to gather his thoughts without looking at Edward’s face, which he found at this moment more distracting than any of his other daily interruptions. “It’s been too long.”  
  
“Maybe for you. Feels like I was just here.”  
  
When Roy leaned back again and brought his eyes to Edward he was looking around the room. His office was in the same place as five years ago, but the interior had changed here and there. More maps were hung over the walls with notes and lines marking trade routes. The bookshelves were packed fuller, some books stacked one atop another. Roy could see Edward taking in the differences, maybe comparing them in his mind to what he remembered.  
  
“Time moves faster for the young,” Roy said, and when the words left his mouth he wasn’t exactly sure what he meant by them.  
  
“You saying you’re an old fart now, is that it?” Edward spun back to Roy, another laugh rolling from his lips. _He’s laughing more_ , Roy realized. Just in the few minutes he’d been there, Edward laughed more openly and honestly than he could recall hearing. “Now that’s something I didn’t expect.”  
  
“And I didn’t expect this visit. So we’re even now.”  
  
Roy wondered if even was the right word for what they were. He’d like it if it was. Edward didn’t object, at least not yet, and he stretched out on the chair, lifting his feet up yet again.  
  
“You off soon?” He asked. “Wanna sneak away and get a drink? I’ll even let you treat me.”  
  
The light from the windows had faded soon after Edward walked in. This time of the year, that meant his work day was almost over. Another hour or so and Roy would be leaving for the day and heading home to his apartment and his cat. The offer for a drink tempted him, though. It had the potential to be a welcome distraction.  
  
“How generous of you,” he said, but motioned towards the open office door and the short hall leading to Riza’s desk. “I’m afraid my subordinate might object, though.”  
  
 Like he’d thought it would, Riza’s voice drifted into the office. He knew she’d been listening; she was always looking out for him in her own way.  
  
“Just go.”  
  
Roy stood up, decidedly forgetting all the rest of the work he needed to get done in that last hour. He walked around the desk and stood near the chair Edward lounged in, waiting for him to stand as well.  
  
“Well that’s settled then,” he said. “Come on, Full Metal. I know a great spot just down the street.”  
  


* * *

  
One drink turned into two, then three. Roy and Edward were tucked away in his favorite neighborhood bar, their table hidden in the corner out of view from the street and windows. Conversation had been halting at first, full of starts and stops and pauses that left them both glancing off to anywhere but each other’s faces. The dimmer the lights got though, the easier the words came. They shared stories of the past few years, updates on family and friends and the world at large. A comfortable, warm sensation settled in Roy’s chest, and soon his gaze had trouble leaving Edward at all.  
  
“And then the bastard tried to run off!” Edward slammed down his empty drink with his exclamation, the end of a story holding Roy’s attention. “I got him, though. Saved the book too. Who tries to rob a library?”  
  
It took Roy a second longer than it should to realize it was his turn to speak. He sipped his drink before setting it down himself and giving Edward a teasing look. Old habits truly died hard, and he couldn’t resist the bit of antagonization.  
  
“Someone who doesn’t know it’s fiercely protected by a small blonde guardian, it seems.”  
  
“The fuck that’s supposed to mean?” Edward half rose from his chair, and Roy laughed at the quick way he rose to the bait. It was familiar, just like the easy conversation. Familiar, yet somehow new in a way he couldn’t place.       
  
“You wanna stand up? I’m not much shorter than you now, Mustang.”  
  
“I assure you I don’t,” Roy answered with shake of his head. He’d noticed it when they walked from his office to the bar. Edward stood taller and straighter than before. With his chin lifted out and head held high, he was no longer the small boy Roy remembered. “I’m a little worried you’re right.”  
  
“I am.”  
  
A flash of the candle on the table caught Edward’s smile, illuminating him from below. He was confident; he’d always been confident, but this felt new as well. A stronger, more nurtured and mature confidence. Time would do that, Roy thought. Time and experience, both of which Edward had finally had a chance to have on his own the last few years. It had done him well. The evidence was in the way he held himself: the way he joked and smiled and leaned forward across the table when he thought Roy wasn’t looking.  
  
Roy _was_ looking though. All night he’d been looking at Edward.  
  
“You look tired.” Edward’s concern cut through Roy’s musing, and he tore his eyes away from their spot where the flame from the candle was turning Edward’s golden hair red. “You’ve got wrinkles under your eyes now. What’s wrong?”  
  
Roy blinked, his hand reaching instinctively to pat at the skin beneath his eyes. Were there wrinkles there? He knew there were some along his brow when he frowned, and at the edges of his eyes when he smiled. Hearing there were more deflated him a bit. Maybe he needed to use those creams Havoc suggested after all.    
  
Shrugging it away, he slipped his hand back onto the table and around his glass. His fingers drummed along it before he took a sip and swallowed.  
  
“Are you trying to crush my ego?”              
  
“No.” Edward sounded honest, and Roy remembered he wasn’t prone to lying. It was something he’d always liked about him. That, and the way he didn’t hold back. “Why, is it that delicate?”  
  
“You’re a little smart ass, you know.”  
  
There was that smile again from Edward, and Roy leaned forward this time too. He was on the edge of his chair, his back curved and elbows up on the table. Just an inch closer to Edward, but drawn in by some force he hadn’t felt in a long, long time.  
  
“Yeah, I do know,” Edward said. “You like it, Mustang. Always have.”  
  
Roy froze again, just like he had when Edward walked into his office earlier. The words _‘always had’_ caught him in a trap; they snared him and held him, forcing memories they hadn’t spoken of tonight to bubble up and over.  
  
Had he made the wrong choice five years ago? Was rejecting Edward back then the right then to do?  
  
_Yes,_ Roy thought. Yes, he would stand by what he’d said back then. It was true at the time, and that’s what mattered. Time marched forward, and the choices he made in the past had to stay there.  
  
“I don’t know if I like this new self aware Edward,” he said finally. The name passed through his lips with delightful ease. It was the first time he’d used it in a while, and he liked the way Edward’s eyes flashed when he heard it. “He’s a little too observant.”  
  
It was Edward’s turn to freeze. Roy saw his chest hitch with an irregular breath, only to return to normal when he chuckled and pushed a hand through his bangs. It was just an instant of vulnerability, but it was there.  
  
“Give him a while,” he said softly. “He’ll grow on you.”  
  
The something that was wrong in Roy’s life squeezed at his chest then, wringing his insides with a tight grip.  
  
“I’m a little worried about that, too,” he said, his own voice low and gentle in their private corner of the bar.  
  
“Huh? What’d you say?” Edward had rested his chin on his hand, elbow on the table. He was looking at Roy with those large, clear eyes and for a breath Roy was again caught and held captive. This was the new in the familiar; he knew Edward’s eyes from years of watching emotion burn in them, but now there was something else there. Something new and magnetic and maybe dangerous.    
  
“Nothing, Full Metal.” Roy recovered enough to take a look at his watch, then cursed.  “Shit. I’ve got responsibilities in the morning. I can’t stay out with you all night.”  
  
He stood up, his knees scraping against the edge of the table when he pushed his chair out. After rummaging in his pocket he tossed payment for the drinks on the the table - enough to cover all of his and Edward’s. The floor felt a little unstable when he took his first step, and he groaned, knowing he’d regret the three drinks in the morning.  
  
Edward was on his feet too, already pulling his cloak back over his shoulders. His movements were still fluid, Roy noted. No sense of intoxication there.  
  
“Let me walk you back, then,” Edward said. “It’s on the way to Armstrong’s, right?”  
  
Roy almost laughed at Edward’s offer. Was he concerned again? Roy hoped he didn’t cut so pitiful a figure that he needed guidance and assistance to walk a few blocks. He waved away the suggestion with his hand and playfully pat Edward on head.  
  
“No need to worry about me. I can make it on my own.”  
  
“Yeah, but you don’t need to.”  
  
And there was that tugging again at his chest. This time it felt almost pleasant, though. Pleasant enough that he looked down at Edward - less of a distance now - and felt heat rise high on his cheeks.  
  
“For now, I think I do.” The softness of his own voice caught Roy off guard, and he coughed into his fist to mask it. A few steps brought him away from the table, and he turned back just in time to see Edward slump back into his chair. “You’re staying in Central for a while, correct?”  
  
Edward looked up from the table and nodded, his bangs falling to cover his eyes before he pushed them away. There was a smile playing across this lips again, and from this distance it seemed to light up his whole face.  
  
“Yeah, I’ll be here.”  
  
“Good.” Roy mirrored the smile one last time for the night, and again turned away from Edward. He raised his hand in goodbye as he did, sensing Edward was still watching him.  “Goodnight, Full Metal.”  
  
When he walked outside the cold night air hit Roy in sharp pricks. Above him the moon shone, lighting his path between the street lamps. He shoved his hands in his pockets to warm them, though the rest of his body seemed immune to the chill.  
  
 Seeing Edward again had been easier than Roy thought. Years apart must have changed them both, just like he’d expected it would. There was still a chasm filled of things left unsaid and untouched, and things that Roy thought better left in the past, but those were thoughts for another night. Right now, out in the dark and the silence of  the sleeping city, Roy felt the wrongness in his life start to shift. 


	2. Chapter 2

Roy _did_ regret the third drink when he woke up in the morning. He groaned and rubbed at his temples, his vision blurring the corners of his bedroom from sight. His body felt sluggish even without moving, like something heavy had been placed on his chest while he slept. The shrill sound of his alarm nearby pierced through his skull, echoing and insistent.  
  
He wasn’t young anymore, he had to remind himself. He had no business staying out until far after midnight, no matter who it was that was keeping him away from his bed. That part of his life was over and replaced with duty and routine.  
  
With a smack to his chiming clock, Roy pushed himself out of bed. A hot shower and large mug of coffee later he felt at the very least functional, if not at peak performance. It would be enough to make it through the day. He dressed in his uniform, gathered his things, and locked up his house. Just like every other day, life moved on in its timely and consistent fashion.  
  
Roy didn’t live far from Central Command. It made getting to and from work at all hours of the day easy, as he just had to walk a few blocks instead of deal with a fussy car engine. It also gave him a short while to gather his thoughts and prepare for whatever tasks he had upcoming, and to focus his mind. He knew the steps by heart and muscle memory let him stroll down the sidewalk while he thought of other things.  
  
Today he had a few meetings he needed to go over the details of, and a new ordinance that required his input. His daily walk to the office should have been filled with thoughts of those two things, just as it was every day.  
  
Except all he could think about was the way Edward laughed last night — at him, at the things he said, at any passing comment. The memory rang through his head with as much insistence as his alarm had, filling him with the frustrating desire to hear it fresh again.  
  
He rubbed at his temples as he walked into the building. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking of Edward. He wasn’t certain there even _was_ a time he should be dedicating to thinking about Edward. It might be best to stop whatever thoughts were beginning to creep up on him before they took hold too tightly.  
  
When he reached the workspace joined to his office he spotted Riza at her desk, her head down in a stack of papers. She looked up at him as he moved into the room, though he was certain he hadn’t made a sound.  
  
“Good morning, General.” Her voice carried to him with ease and shifted Roy back into the present moment. “How was your date with Edward?”  
  
Riza’s candor had long since caught Roy off guard. He shrugged off his coat and leaned against her desk, waving a hand dismissively.  
  
“It wasn’t a date,” he said, and looked down to see her brows raised and the cold gaze of disbelief in her eyes. “God, when did you get so insubordinate?”  
  
She didn’t respond and simply went back to her paperwork. He watched her a moment, following the end of her pen as it moved through the air. _She knows I’ll answer,_ Roy thought. Even without prodding Riza had a way of making Roy open up; he’d spill out whatever was on his mind, and sometimes what was in his heart. When she’d gotten so good at it he’d never know. There were decades worth of time for them to learn how the other worked. It could have happened at any point, or stacked up over time.  
  
When Riza’s pen stopped and she switched sheets of paper Roy finally spoke again.  
  
“I think he’s doing well. He sounded well.”  
  
Edward _had_ sounded well. Better than Roy himself. He wasn’t going to admit that part to Riza though. He had a feeling she already knew anyway.  
  
“Has he grown up?” She asked, looking up from her papers now and settling her eyes back on Roy.       “More than he was already.”  
  
This time Roy had to think about the question. During their years working together Roy had watched Edward grow up little by little, then all at once. When he left five years ago he was an adult, though still bordering on the cusp of knowing what that really meant. Roy had said as much to him and been rewarded with the slam of his office door and a promise to prove him wrong.  
  
“I don’t know,” Roy said, then shook his head slowly as he changed his mind. “Yes.”                
  
“And? What does that mean?”  
  
Riza was watching him carefully now. No change in expression, but her body language had adjusted. She set her pen down, her hands folded in front of her. Roy suddenly felt he was being interrogated by someone much higher up on the pay grade than he was, and that any hesitant answer would give away more than the truth.  
  
“It means he’s grown,” Roy said as he pushed off the desk and took a step away. If he moved far enough from Riza maybe her question would lose its meaning, and maybe he could evade his own rising ones too. “Is there a measurement I should take next time I see him to judge exactly how much and in what way?”  
  
Roy made it to his office door before Riza caught him with her follow up.  
  
“You know what I mean, General.”  
  
“I don’t know what it means.” He sighed, somewhat softer and drawn out. He didn’t know what a lot of things meant anymore. Getting older he’d thought things would fall into place and make sense; that all his feelings and complications would pass easily. Edward waltzing back into his life only proved to him that was far from the way things worked.  
  
He pushed the door open and turned back to Riza, a weary smile on his face.  
  
“But I suspect I’ll find out.” 

* * *

 

Roy made it through the day with three cups of coffee and constant reminders to keep himself focused. He spent a few minutes after work gathering his things while he talked with Havoc and the others, lingering inside to prolong returning to his empty house. When everyone else had already left he pulled on his coat and braced himself for the early winter cold outside.

The steps leading down from Central Command had a new batch of salt spread over them as evidence of expected ice that night. Roy walked carefully, his boots crunching until he reached the street. He turned right just as he always did, his path home stretching on ahead of him. Before he could make it past the building a glint of gold caught his eyes.

Edward was sitting on the low stone wall, coat pulled tight around him and legs hanging down with the occasional kick. His hair was loose around his shoulders, freed from its usual tie. Roy stood, unobserved for the moment, and watched the setting sun play off the gold locks. Edward’s hair had grown too, he noticed. Just like the rest of him.

Roy cleared his throat when a chill wind blew past him, and he walked over to stand by Edward.

“Full Metal.” Roy savored the instant of shock when Edward looked up to see him standing near him. “Are you here to follow me home like a lost dog?”

“You wish,” Edward said with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. He hopped down from the wall and motioned around them, his wave encompassing the city streets. “I’m just bored out of my mind here.”

“So you decided to wait for an opportunity to take your boredom out on me?”

Roy smirked as his comment elicited a smile from Edward. There was no clear indicator that Edward had been waiting for _him_ , but Roy felt it was true nonetheless. Everyone else had left before him; Edward must have watched them walk by and still remained.

“Sure did,” Edward said. “Gotta make up for five years, right?”

The wind blew past them again and at this distance Roy could see Edward shiver. His hair fanned around him and he tucked it back absently, exposing the rosy red tips of his ears. The faint urge to wrap a warm arm around him sprang up, and Roy looked away before it became any stronger.

“Well you may as well make yourself useful then.” Roy gave in to Edward’s company without resistance, and he pulled a pair of gloves from his pockets to toss in his direction. At least he could help Edward warm his hands, if nothing else. “I have to do some shopping for dinner. You can carry the bags. Come along.”

The look of indignation on Edward’s face transported Roy to the past, and he found himself chuckling at the reaction. Suddenly his plans for the evening didn’t seem so dull or lonesome.

“Wait, I’m getting stuck doing your errands? I waited all day for _this?”_

Roy had already started walking ahead, but at the sound of Edward’s voice he stopped and looked back. He was correct, then; Edward had indeed been waiting for him. That fact shouldn’t have warmed him as much as it did, but Roy couldn’t help it. He also couldn’t help the teasing grin that turned up the corners of his lips and showed off the shallow wrinkles he hated so much.

“You waited all day to see me?”

“What?” Edward hurried to catch up, and now not only his ears were pink. “No! Maybe! Just get going, hurry up old man.”

He pushed at Roy’s back, urging him to continue down the street. Again Roy gave in easily and together they finished the errands and walk that Roy had always done alone. 

~~~

“This looks good.”

Roy leaned over Edward’s shoulder in the kitchen of his home, examining the dish on the stove. After returning from the store they’d set to work on dinner, though not without a heated debate over what exactly to make. Edward won in the end, but the playful back and forth was consolation enough for Roy. It filled the kitchen with the rare sound of voices and laughter, which was something Roy hadn’t known he missed.

“Where did you learn to cook?” He asked, and leaned back against the counter to watch Edward work. His hair was up now, pulled high on his scalp. When he moved to stir the cooking food it moved with him, catching the drafts from his arms and swaying behind him. Roy could faintly catch the scent of mint coming off it and was reminded of tea and long days spent on trains with a younger Edward.

“Here and there,” Edward answered. “Winry showed me how to bake. Master’s husband taught me the best ways to cook meat.”

He brought the spoon in his hand to his lips and tasted the fragrant sauce, his eyes fluttering shut for an instant before he smiled to himself and set it back on the counter.

Edward looked at home here in the small kitchen. Roy recalled the way he tossed his coat onto a chair when they got in, then opened every draw looking for a knife, and the way he poured himself a drink out of the fridge once he found the cups. Even while they cooked Edward moved around like he belonged here, and the room itself seemed to shift and draw in to fit around him. Now, seeing Edward perched on the table, Roy had the distinct feeling this was a new room altogether.

“Me and Al cook when we’re together too,” Edward went on. “He makes these great Xingese dishes.”

“That sounds nice.” Roy trailed his fingers along the counter’s edge, his mind wandering. He could picture the brothers together somewhere much like this, their voices rising as they made a meal to share. He hoped they were able to do it often; eating alone wore down on your soul. Roy knew that only too well.  
  
“I don’t think I remember the last time I cooked with someone.”

Roy almost didn’t realize he’d spoken. He hadn’t intended to say something so personal, but the words left anyway. It _had_ been a long time, though. Almost long enough that he forgot how much it lifted the stress of his day. Sighing at his own confession, he looked up from his hands in time to see Edward’s expression quickly change from a frown.

“That’s kind of depressing, Mustang,” he said. “What, no girlfriend to keep you company in the kitchen?”

If Roy hadn’t spent a large portion of his life watching Edward he thought he might have missed the flash of nervousness in his eyes. It was brief — not even a breath’s worth of time to settle. But it was there.

“Aren’t you nosy tonight?” Roy pushed away from the counter and busied himself pouring another glass of wine. _Had there been hope in Edward’s eyes too?_ Or was that a product of a time long passed? Either way, Roy’s answer was the same.  
  
“No, I do not have any romantic relationships currently.”

 _Currently_. Currently was a vague term, and one Roy used knowingly. He didn’t want to admit to Edward how long it had been since he’d been with or cared for anyone romantically. He didn’t even want to admit it to himself.

Like he’d said to Edward the day before: time moved differently now. Day after day passed, months and years blurred together. Work and routine were Roy’s partner, his love life dominated by duty and the responsibility to solider on. Finding someone to be with was a distant and often forgotten goal.

“Yeah, I can see why.” Edward’s harsh words were offset by his bright smirk, and Roy watched as he poked at the one dish Roy had been in charge of making. “You’re an awful cook.”

Roy raised his brows and readied a sharp comeback, but instead when he opened his mouth he just laughed. The sound bounded out of his chest and off the walls, and he put a hand on the counter to support himself so he could keep his wine glass steady. It felt good to laugh like this — to push the darker thoughts away with just one cheeky comment from Edward.

A moment went by, and when he recovered he shook his head at Edward and raised his glass as if in congratulations.

“Not everyone can be as talented as you, Full Metal.”

Edward slipped down from the table and stood by the stove again, closer to Roy. He narrowed his eyes as he looked at him, something stirring behind them. Roy could almost see his mind working in the golden glint of the light catching on his irises.

“Can’t you call me Ed? I’m getting sick of this Full Metal crap again.”

The question was unexpected. The name never bothered Edward before, and Roy spent years using it. _Hiding behind it like it was a shield, more like._ The thought came to Roy’s mind unbidden, and he crossed his arms more to admonish himself than Edward.

There was something too casual about calling him Ed. It didn’t fit. There was nothing casual about the years spent with Edward, and nothing casual about this new friendship they seemed to be forming. To Roy he wasn’t Ed, and he likely never would be.

“No, I cannot,” he said. Roy’s expression softened, as did something deep in his chest. Maybe he could give in a little now. Things were changing; he could feel the shifting and stirring inside him. And maybe it was okay to let these things change.

“I can call you Edward, though.”

Roy watched as Edward opened his mouth to retaliate, then closed it abruptly. The kitchen was warm by the stove, but he didn’t think that was why Edward’s face grew flushed with heat.

“Yeah, okay. I like that.”

Edward was standing closer now, and when he moved that extra step Roy couldn’t say. He really was taller than before, though still he looked like he’d fit right into Roy’s arms if he reached out for him. That thought was new, still testing out its strength in the back of his mind.

 _He might grow on you._ Edward’s words from the night before played back and Roy felt his fingers twitch and stretch, and the muscles of his arms ready themselves to move.

“Hey, does that mean I can call you Roy?”

Roy snapped away from his day dream and scoffed. It was best to leave those new thoughts where they were. At least for now.

“Would me saying no make any difference?”

With a flashing grin Edward shook his head. He leaned back, his eyes and focus still on Roy.

“None. Roy.”

His name was said with a playful, almost challenging tone. The way it rolled off Edward’s lips, simple and yet full of countless memories, caught Roy’s heart and held it tight. For an instant he couldn’t breathe as it struggled in his chest to free itself from Edward’s voice.

He managed to cough and jump start his heart back into action. Raising his glass to his lips for a much needed drink, he noticed Edward’s body pressed against the stove instead of the counter. He was still focused on Roy, however, and the heat hadn’t seemed to bother him yet.

“You’re going to burn yourself.”

“Shit!” Edward darted away from the stove, then glared at Roy. “Damn, you distracted me.”

“Did I?” Roy took another long drink of his wine, then set the glass down. “Interesting.”

With another mixed glare, Edward went back to checking the food. Soon it was finished and the two of them enjoyed the product of their evening. Roy was surprised at how well it turned out; Edward had picked up a new arsenal of skills during the last few years. He had always been able to take care of himself, but Roy saw it more clearly defined now. Not only in the big ways, but in these small, every day ways as well.

Had he grown too? Or was he stagnant, his growth locked away behind walls and layers of fear and self denial?

Roy pushed the thought aside when he looked over at Edward again. Right now it didn’t matter. Right now he wanted to enjoy the rest of the meal and evening with Edward. The thoughts that kept him awake at night could have their place back later. 

~~~

After they finished eating Roy and Edward left the kitchen and sat in the living room. Edward took the large comfortable chair Roy usually spent his evenings in and draped his legs over the side. Roy was too content to complain, and he made himself comfortable on the couch instead.

They were both quiet for a while. It was a natural silence, and one that warmed the room almost as much as the fire going in the hearth. The infrequent activity of the night left Roy feeling drowsy, and his eyes had nearly shut when Edward broke the quiet with another, softer rendition of his name.

“Hey, Roy.”

When Roy looked at Edward his legs were drawn up against chest, his arms curled around them. The chair cradled him and his hair shielded half his face. Something twisted in Roy’s chest again, this time tight and uncomfortable.

“What is it, Edward?”

“You remember what you said when you kicked me out of your office?”

A wave of dread washed over Roy, chilling him from the inside. This was what they hadn’t spoken of yet. The thing that kept Edward away for five years. The thing that Roy worried would send Edward away again if it was said aloud.

“I don’t remember kicking you out,” he said carefully. “But yes. I remember.”

He remembered all too clearly the look of pain on Edward’s face. The look that he’d caused. Rejection was a difficult thing, and even more for someone young and inexperienced. A first love — no, a first crush — could do a lot of damage. Back then Roy had hoped his refusal of Edward’s feelings would help him move on in his life, but maybe he’d done more harm than good with his stern tone and outright disbelief.

“You were wrong.”

Edward’s voice sounded small and fragile in a way that Roy had never once associated with him. He paused, letting the silence fill the space between them again for a moment. Roy knew what was coming next, but even so he slid closer to the edge of the couch, waiting.

“My feelings haven’t changed.”

“Edward-“

“Eh, don’t say anything.” Edward waved his hand dismissively, like the whole situation was nothing but a passing thought. “I just wanted you to know. Tell me some other time what you think now.”

Roy sighed, his fingers rubbing at his temples. Suddenly the two glasses of wine felt like too much.

“Okay,” he said finally. Just then he didn’t know how he felt about anything, and part of him was grateful Edward stopped him from saying something he wasn’t sure was true any longer. What he did know, though, was that he didn’t want Edward to leave his house tonight with the look of uncertainty he was now wearing.  
  
“Just don’t go storming off before that,” he added. “You have to make up for fives years, after all.”

Edward’s eyes shone in the firelight after Roy spoke, and he gracefully unfolded his legs and draped himself back over the chair. He smiled, and Roy felt the world grow a little brighter.

“I told you. I’m not going anywhere.”


	3. Chapter 3

Long after Edward left for the night Roy remained in the living room staring at the indents in the chair made by his body. The air was still warm from the fire and the scent of mint lingered, filling Roy’s senses with cloying, difficult thoughts.  
  
The question came to him again, no longer fleeting and avoidable, but strong and insistent: had he been wrong in the way he reacted to Edward’s confession five years ago?  
  
Roy had spent the time between then and now sure he had said the right things. He was certain the stance he took was right for both he and Edward. It was an unfortunate outcome that Edward had left, but that was his own choice.  
  
It was hard to recall exactly what he had felt back then. It was so long ago now, with so much static filling in the missing details of those long years. He knew what he felt now though; a jolt of heat straight to his chest when Edward reaffirmed his feelings. A tremor in his hands whenever Edward passed too near.  
  
_Had he been wrong?_  
  
Roy pressed his palms to his eyes, rubbing away a haze that covered him like cobwebs. Things were supposed to be easy now. He had his career, his goal, his path set right in front of him. He had daily, comfortable routine. Some nights he couldn’t sleep until the sun was beginning to rise again, and some days he felt so stingingly lonely that he could hardly breathe, but that was just the state of things. He could handle that.  
  
What he couldn’t handle were these doubts. He needed to remember exactly what he’d said to Edward. Maybe then he’d know if it was all a mistake or, if like Edward said just hours ago, Roy had been wrong.  
  
Pulling his palms away, he closed his eyes and let the memory overtake him, thinking back to that day half a decade ago.

* * *

_Roy sat behind his desk, his eyes following Edward while he roamed his office seemingly without purpose. He would stop by the bookcase, lift a trinket or dusty volume, examine it, then put it back. Twice he stood by the window and leaned out, the warm spring air blowing his hair around his face._  
  
_This had been going on for nearly twenty minutes, and Roy finally set down his mug of coffee with a loud thud to get Edward’s attention._  
  
_“What is it Full Metal? You’re pacing around my office like a caged animal.”_  
  
_Edward jumped and fumbled with the small statue in his hands. He turned to Roy, looking at him with a startled expression, like he was surprised to see him here._  
  
_“Well, yeah,” he said, and placed the statue back on the shelf haphazardly. He looked away again, not meeting Roy’s eyes. “I’ve got something hard to say so just give me a minute, alright?”_  
  
_“Hard to say? I doubt you have something that will do me any harm, but fine. Take your time if you have to.” Roy smiled and leaned back in his chair, his eyes still following Edward’s erratic movements. “Keeps me from having to work at least.”_  
  
_For once Edward didn’t snap back with a comment about Roy_ never  _working, which both of them knew was untrue. That was Roy’s first clue something was more serious than he thought. It wasn’t like Edward not to raise to his bait, or to miss an opportunity to drag Roy through the dirt. By now he expected it and even enjoyed it; it was friendly and affectionate, just like the friendship the two of them had built._  
  
_He kept an eye on Edward while he waited, watching him continue to pace and apparently gather his thoughts. Roy had no idea what it was that could be bothering him, but part of him was glad Edward felt he could share it. There were plenty of other people Edward could go to for advice or confidence, but he had come to him. Roy felt a smug boost to his ego while he idly tapped his pen on the edge of his desk, still waiting._  
  
_“Okay. Here goes.”_  
  
_Edward suddenly stepped up to Roy’s desk and crossed his arms over his chest. The sight of soft skin on his right side was still disconcerting, but getting easier to recall the more he saw it. Roy remained leaned back in his seat, his gaze drifting up from Edward’s arms to his face._  
  
_“Mustang. Roy. We’ve got this weird relationship, right? I’ve put up with you for years.”_  
  
_Hearing his first name was the second clue Roy got. He brushed it off, though, and just laughed._  
  
_“You’ve put up with me? I think it’s clearly the other way around.”_  
  
_“Hey, let me finish.” Edward glared at Roy while he finished laughing, his arms still firmly crossed. When it was quiet again Roy saw his chest raise with a deep breath before he spoke. “Anyway. I’ve got these…feelings for you. Really strong feelings.”_  
  
_Roy sat up straight in his chair, his eyes narrowing as he listened to the change in Edward’s voice. There was a hesitation in it, buried under what he thought must be a brittle wall of protection._  
  
_“For a long time, too,” Edward went on. “Fuck your stupid face and stupid always caring about me. Damn it. I’m just - what I’m saying is I love you. And not some little kid I love you, or oh you’re my best friend bullshit. I mean romantically.”_  
  
_The air around Roy felt thick after Edward finished speaking. It weighed down on him, clinging to his clothes and skin and getting stuck in his throat. For an instant he thought he might be suffocating, and that someone had poisoned the vent blowing into the room._

_In a way, someone_ had _poisoned the air.  
_

_“So yeah. That’s what I wanted to say.”_  
  
_Roy barely heard Edward’s attempt to draw an answer out of him. He was too busy considering the situation and trying to make sense of this new information. Out of all the things Edward could have said this was the furthest from Roy’s mind._  
  
_Had he missed some sign? Any indication that Edward’s feelings towards him had morphed into something complicated and undoubtedly messy? The crush of failure threatened him, whispering that he’d done something wrong to lead Edward to twist his feelings around in ways they shouldn’t._  
  
_“Edward.” Roy kept the sigh from his voice and held it steady instead. He looked into Edward’s eyes, making sure to hold them and speak as clear as he could. “You don’t love me.”_  
  
_Whatever Edward had been expecting it wasn’t what Roy said. He uncrossed his arms in a huff and slammed a hand down on the desk, causing the loose papers there to drift up in the draft._  
  
_“I’m pretty damn sure I know how I feel better than you do.”_  
  
_“Maybe so.” Roy paused, now unable to stop his telltale habit of rubbing at his temples._ This was a delicate situation _, he reminded himself. He needed to think logically here. “But I know some things too. And feelings like what you think you have are a product of circumstance.”_

_Edward stared at him blankly for a beat, then flashed a frown so deep that his brows furrowed and small lines marred the space between his eyes. He threw his arms up and spun around, his pacing about the room resumed._  
  
_“Circumstance? Are you serious?”_  
  
_“Yes, I am.”_  
  
That was it. _That must be it._

_Roy let his hands slide back to the desk and folded his fingers together. Love was a tricky, elusive thing. It didn’t come easily, and when it did it took patience and work and understanding. Edward had spent his life in pursuit of one thing, and after getting that one thing he was left floundering. The idea of love filling the gap was probably appealing to him - it was something to focus on, an outlet in which his swirling feelings could coalesce and find a home._  
  
_It wasn’t real though. It couldn’t be real._  
  
_“I’ve been a constant in your life for a long time, haven’t I?” Roy continued, his eyes following Edward’s new, more frantic movements. “You haven’t had much of that. It’s natural you’ve confused your feelings of gratitude and comfort.”_  
  
_“What are you saying?” Edward stopped and stalked up to the desk again. In his pacing a lock of hair had come loose of his braid and stuck close to his face, framing it in a way that made him look even more flustered. “I’m not some dumb kid who doesn’t know the difference between love and….whatever it is you’re talking about.”_  
  
_Edward was still young. He was young and endured a difficult, terrifying life. There were many things he was mature about, Roy didn’t doubt that. This, though, was different. How could Edward know for certain the truth of his feelings if he’d never experienced them before?_  
  
_Edward and Roy were at two very different parts of their lives. Edward still had much of his youth left ahead of him; he had places to go and things to experiences. New opportunities were waiting for him beyond the walls of Central and beyond the safety of Roy’s radius. He needed more time to exist in a world that didn’t need his saving. He needed more time to feel all the world had to offer him._  
  
_Roy knew where he belonged, and he knew his path. He had done enough experiencing to last a lifetime. Thoughts of love had their place in his life already, and already had faded into the background._  
  
_“I’m not insinuating you’re unintelligent,” Roy said carefully, not wanting his words to be mistaken. “Just that you’re not understanding correctly what you’re feeling towards me.”_  
  
_“Just say you don’t have feelings back for me and get it over with, okay?”_  
  
_Edward’s hands, now in fists at his side, were trembling. Roy caught sight of them and felt his own chest clench around his heart. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to be having. He didn’t want to hear Edward’s voice so weak. But it would be selfish and untrue to lie to him, or to soften the truth._  
  
_“I don’t have feelings for you in that way.” Roy stood from his desk, uncertain why but compelled nonetheless. He walked around the to stand in front of Edward and placed a hand on his shoulder.  “And with some time you’ll see you don’t have those kind of feelings for me either.”_  
  
_There was an immediate shattering in Edward’s eyes. Some bright, golden light broke apart and sent its warmth scattering everywhere but inside. Roy had never seen the exact moment a heart broke before, but a deep, strong strike to his own tried to persuade him that_ this was it. _This was Edward’s heart falling to pieces because of him._

_“You’re wrong.” Edward tugged away from Roy’s hand, recoiling as if it was painful. The empty, lost look in his eyes was replaced by something sharp and fierce and Roy felt himself take a step back. “I’ll prove to you you’re wrong.”_  
  
_“Don’t do that, Full Metal,” Roy said, suddenly very, very tried. He wanted to sit back in his desk and place his head in his arms and forget this whole ordeal. “For both our sakes.”_  
  
But mostly for yours, _he thought._ Don’t let yourself linger over me.

_“_ God, _you’re such an asshole.” Edward turned on his heel and headed for the door, his hair and cloak blowing out behind him. “You can’t stop me, you know. But fine. I’m out of here.”_  
  
_“Edward-“_  
  
_Roy’s last call didn’t have an effect, and he flinched when the door to his office slammed shut. Edward was gone. He had come in like a storm and left, and now Roy was the one feeling half drowned and weak. Sighing, he returned to his chair and slumped into it, his head finding a spot amidst the scattered papers._

* * *

 

Roy returned to the present with a deep, heavy sigh. He shifted on the couch, his fingers drumming along the back of cushions.  
  
Maybe he _had_ been a little too harsh.  
  
Back then Edward was still a child to him. He wanted nothing more than for him to continue growing and experiencing all the things life had to offer. He wanted to see Edward enjoy his life for once, and to bloom into the man Roy knew he would be.  
  
Edward couldn’t do that with Roy holding his hand through everything.  
  
Or maybe he could have. It was impossible to know for certain. The past already happened; there was no changing what had already transpired. All Roy could do now was face the consequences of his words. And if the consequences of him refusing Edward’s feelings sent him out into the world for five years, then Roy couldn’t regret them.  
  
Edward had grown over that time. Just two days together had shown him that. He felt somehow fuller, like parts of him had come together to form a stronger, sturdier base. The glint behind his eyes wasn’t uncertainty or exhaustion anymore. It was knowledge earned from experience and emotions tempered further by Edward making his own way, living for himself.  
  
Roy still stood by what he’d told Edward - back then, he didn’t have feelings for him. Not in the way Edward wanted.  
  
Now though? Roy steepled his fingers along the bridge of his nose, caught between a laugh and a shaking cry of frustration. Now he didn’t know. There was no denying the pull Edward had on him last night and today; no denying the comfort and peace he took away from their time together. He felt something return to him that had been missing for a long, long time. Whether that thing was Edward himself, or whether it was just tied to him, Roy didn’t know.  
  
He didn’t know, but he wanted to find out.  
  
Was that wrong? It was another question Roy didn’t have a solid answer to. The last thing he wanted was to take advantage of Edward’s feelings just to explore his own. But how would he knew if he never gave himself a chance to understand them? _  
_

It was nearly the same thing he had told Edward. He needed time and experience with these new, budding feelings. He needed time with Edward. He _wanted_ time with Edward.

Standing up, Roy tugged at the hem of his shirt, straightening out the wrinkles made from sitting so long.  
  
Why wait, and why deny the chance of something good? Roy had spent his whole adult life denying himself things. Anything that didn’t fit into his goal, anything that was a sidetrack from his large, looming future. He shoved all else to the side, forgoing the things he knew he was missing.  
  
Maybe it was time to give in a little.

Not bothering to check the time, Roy grabbed his coat from the closet and headed out the door. The cold night air stung when he first breathed in, but the darts of ice in his lungs felt good. They invigorated him and pushed him forward through the streets.  
  
It didn’t take long to reach the Armstrong manor.  Roy considered driving to save even more time, but decided against it. The walk gave him time to go over what he wanted to say, and by the time he arrived his head was full of so many options he didn’t know which to go with.  
  
After a sharp knock on the large and grand front door Roy was greeted with the sight of Alex wrapped tight in a fluffy robe. He blinked, surprised to see him even though this was his home. His thoughts were so focused on Edward he’d never considered him not answering the door himself.  
  
“General Mustang. What a pleasant surprise.”  
  
“Armstrong.” Roy bowed his head in greeting and did his best to recover from his dazed state. “Good to see you.”  
  
Alex held the door open and ushered Roy inside. The interior of the manor was opulent as always, though Roy remembered a time it served more function than elegance. After the Promised Day Olivier left Central and the manor to Alex, who quickly returned it to its former state.  
  
“You’re here for Edward, aren’t you?”  
  
Roy snapped back to Alex and grinned. He supposed it was obvious that wouldn’t be stopping by for a late night courtesy visit. He and Alex were friends, but not quite that close.  
  
“Am I that transparent?”  
  
“I shall get him. Wait here.”  
  
With a knowing look, Alex nodded and headed off towards the staircase leading further into the house.  
  
Left alone, Roy meandered towards the stairs and took up position at their base. He hoped Edward was awake; he hadn’t even considered that wouldn’t be the case. How long had he sat in the living room after he left? Hours, probably, he thought. Silently he cursed his rare lack of foresight for not checking the time before rushing here.  
  
Edward _was_ awake though. A few moments after Armstrong left he came walking down the steps, dressed now in loose, soft looking clothes. His hair was down around his shoulders again and slightly damp, the scent of mint now stronger than before.

“Yo,” Edward said as he continued towards where Roy was waiting. “What are you doing here?”  
  
Everything that Roy had planned to say, all the smooth, well thought out lines, vanished the instant Edward took the last step off the stairs and stood in front of him. _What had he meant to say?_ He couldn’t just stand here and tell him all the thoughts that had rushed through his mind earlier. Why had he thought that?  

“Do you want to go out for dinner?”  
  
The request spilled out instead of the revelations he’d come to, and Roy had a feeling that was for the best. There must be a better time to tell Edward he was sorry about how unwilling to listen he’d been. Right now, standing just a few steps away from him in the dead of night, was meant for other things.  
  
Edward raised his brows and leaned a hand against the stair’s banister. Roy noticed the way his eyes flickered over him before landing on his face.  
  
“Are you dumb? We just had dinner.”  
  
“Tomorrow.”  
  
Roy didn’t let Edward’s casual insult deter him, and he answered without hesitation. In the back of his mind he felt this was all a little impulsive, but he was quickly committing anyway. When was the last time he let himself be impulsive? It felt good. Like some tightly wrapped cord around him was loosening and letting him move for the first time in years.  
  
“Okay…” Edward’s reply was slow, his eyes narrow. Roy thought he must cut an odd sight just then: his cheeks rosy from the walk in the cold, his shirt wrinkled under his coat. Maybe he looked half wild, and definitely not his usual put together self.  
  
“Okay,” he repeated, a smile stretching across his face now. “It’s a date.”  
  
A flash of understanding shone in Edward’s eyes and a patch of red stained high on his cheeks He shook his head, his hair falling over his face for a moment, and when he pushed it aside the color was gone. Crossing his arms, he made a click of disapproval with his tongue.  
  
“You couldn’t wait until tomorrow to ask that? It’s freaking late.”  
  
Roy still smiled, and soon it spread to Edward’s face as well. Something clicked into place when he saw it, like gears and wheels inside him beginning their arduous restart.  
  
“No, I could not,” he answered. “You’ve waited five years. That’s long enough.”  
  
With a roll of his eyes, Edward turned away and started to head back upstairs. Roy almost followed him, his feet wanting to move on their own, but was stopped by Edward’s amused voice.  
  
“Go home, Roy. I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
  
Roy did just that, though not until he watched Edward’s back disappear up the stairs and around a hall corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

Roy’s closet was filled with uniforms. Every day uniforms, dress uniforms, active duty uniforms. It was a sea of navy and gold, speckled with black and the occasional touch of white. He thumbed through them, moving each aside in hopes of something stuck between.  
  
Was this how he lived his life? A physical manifestation of his career hung before him, neatly arranged and meticulously cared for. Where was the personality he once prided himself over? The ambition and bold confidence, the deeper, secret kindness he held within him?  
  
There was no evidence for it. Nothing but work stared back at him, heavy and suddenly suffocating.   
  
Nearly shouting in frustration, Roy shoved all the hangers to the side, seeking out the few items hanging to the far right of the closet. They weren’t new by any means, and the fashion of the time had moved on without him, but they would do. He pulled the deep maroon sweater from its hook and pulled it on, grateful at leas it still fit him.   
  
Roy just knew Edward would show up to their date looking much better than he did. That was given. He would try though, and hopefully that would be enough. It had been too long since he’d thought about dressing nicely for an occasion other than work mandatory ones, and he worried it showed.   
  
When was the last time? Roy thought it over as he finished dressing, avoiding the mirror for now so he didn’t get discouraged. He settled on four years ago, back when he was in Ishval still overseeing the trade routes. There was a man there he’d become close to for a time. Things ended when he returned to Central and they lost touch. That was the way of things.   
  
Now he was faced with his first date since then. With Edward Elric.   
  
Roy pinched the bridge of his nose in attempt to keep back a wave of uncertainty. There were so many ways the night could go, and that left him uneasy. Still, there was no denying the skip in his chest when he thought about picking Edward up from Armstrong’s manor.   
  
He chanced a look in the mirror before he left, just to make sure there were no glaring mistakes with his appearance. Leaning close, he traced the stubborn lines spreading out from the corners of his eyes. He wondered for not the first time where the years had gone, and what he’d truly done with them.   
  
The answer was there in his room, he realized. Hanging in neat, crips rows in the closet.   
  
Roy shook his head and left the mirror to its game of distorting his self image and headed out the door. He didn’t need doubts plaguing him tonight.   
  
He drove to Armstrong’s and picked Edward up, noting with no surprise that he’d been right: Edward looked breathtaking in an outfit of grey and black. The dark colors made the bright of his hair and eyes stand out all the more, and Roy had to remember to greet him instead of just enjoy the view.   
  
Edward asked where they were going, but Roy told him to be patient and see for himself. It was a somewhat longer drive through the city to reach the small restaurant on the banks of the river, but Roy thought it would be worth it. The area was quiet, with less chance of interruptions from the city nightlife. The building itself was quiet as well, and complete with glowing candles spaced around the main room.  
  
They were led to a table near a window, the view of the almost still river right outside. Roy sat down across from Edward and folded his hands in front of him on the table. Keeping them in eye sight gave him less of a chance to fiddle with the hem of his sweater or tap his fingers along the edge of his chair.  
  
The conversation was casual as they browsed the menu and ordered. Nothing felt quite like a date yet, other than both of their efforts to look more presentable than usual. Roy wondered if Edward was disappointed; he’d waited years for this, and Roy wasn’t really delivering much.   
  
He pushed aside the thought with a small laugh under his breath. Edward knew him. Whatever he expected was likely to be whatever Roy ended up doing. That at least was reassuring. Edward wouldn’t ask for more than he could give. That was one the things he was remembering about Edward now that they were spending time together again; he didn’t ask for much.   
  
That was a bit sad too, Roy thought. The desire to give Edward more than what he expected flared in him, and he smiled across the table. He took in the way Edward watched him, the angle of his eyes — somewhat guarded but bright in the candlelight — and the way he rubbed at the palm of his right hand with his left.   
  
“Why are you looking at me like that?”   
  
Roy saw Edward’s move lips before he heard his words. It took a moment to process that he was speaking, and to retrieve himself from his small reverie.   
  
“I’m just taking in this new Edward,” he answered.   
  
A crease formed between Edward’s brows and he scowled. Roy must have said something wrong, though he didn’t worry over it. He’d seen this look many times and knew it would fade soon, often replaced with a smirk or some form of gloating grin.   
  
“I’m not new. I’m still me.” Edward’s expression changed, just like Roy thought it would. A glimmer of mischief played in his eyes, and again Roy was more distracted than he wanted to let on. “And didn’t you say you didn’t like him?”  
  
Roy shook his head, careful with the way he spoke next. He could tell Edward was waiting for something.   
  
“I said I was worried about how he’d grow on me.”  
  
“That’s definitely not what you said.” Edward stopped fidgeting his hands and crossed his arms over his chest. He raised his chin a little and looked over at Roy with a steady stare. “And?”  
  
“And what, Edward?”  
  
“You know what!” Edward edged forward in his seat, almost like he was resisting standing up. Roy was glad to see that his fiery reactions were still there, and that it was still easy to rile him up. If he’d changed enough to fully subdue those impulses Roy wasn’t sure he really would be the same Edward.        
  
“Has he — damn. Have I?”  
  
Roy paused to consider the question. He’d only said those words a few nights ago, and at the time he believed it would take much longer for his feelings about Edward to shift and change so much. Many things about Edward were surprising and Roy should have known his growing connection to him would be the same.   
  
Instead of answering, Roy unfolded his hands and reached over the table. He took a lock of Edward’s hair between his fingers, sliding them down it until they held the bottom strands. It was silky and thick, and for once Roy was glad he’d taken his gloves off earlier.   
  
“Your hair looks very nice tonight.”  
  
Edward froze when Roy brought his hand close and continued to hold onto his hair. Roy thought he saw his chest stop moving with his usual even breaths, then stutter back with a shallow one. He could feel the heat his cheeks were giving off, warming the back of his hand as his thumb gently rubbed the blonde hair against his forefinger.  
  
“Answer my question old man.”  
  
This time Edward’s question was quiet, and Roy leaned even farther across the table, his thighs leaving his seat and hovering just above it. He let go of the hair, then very gently ran his thumb down Edward’s cheek.   
  
“Like a fungus.”  
  
Edward pulled back and smacked Roy’s hand away, his eyes flashing and lips settling into a firm and somehow unthreatening snarl.   
  
“What the hell!”         
  
“Sorry, sorry.” Roy sat fully back in his seat, laughing. He wiped at his eyes, surprised to find they were watering with the force of holding back another, louder peal of laughter. “It’s a little nostalgic to upset you. I can’t control myself.”   
  
Roy’s comment was met with a roll of Edward’s eyes. He could see the ghost of a smile on his lips though, and soon they fell back into their comfortable and easy conversation. It felt the same as the last too nights; they took turns asking questions and answering, discussing all matters of things going on around the world and within their own lives. Roy felt he still had a lot to learn about Edward and each new thing came as a pleasant surprise.   
  
Their food arrived eventually and the pauses in their conversations increased as they ate. Coffee came after they finished, and Roy leaned back in his chair, admiring Edward sipping from his mug. Edward caught him looking and the color rose faintly in his cheeks. It was sight Roy once thought impossible, but he was quickly coming to enjoy it, and even think of ways to seek it out.   
  
“So why’d you change your mind?” Edward asked when he set his mug down. They hadn’t touched the topic yet of why Roy had rushed to Armstrong’s manor last night, or why he’d suddenly asked Edward on this date. Roy thought they might avoid it altogether, but he should have known Edward wouldn’t leave it without an answer. “It’s not cause you think I’m pressuring you right? I told you I’d wait.”  
  
“No, that’s not it at all,” Roy said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I’m sure you know better than most that things change. My mind is not exempt from that.”  
  
He turned his mug around in his hands, rubbing at the side with his thumb. Now was his chance to apologize for some of the things he’s said five years ago. It was harder to start than he thought it would be. Maybe he was ashamed. Or maybe brining the words up would remind Edward too much of the pain he’s caused, and their delicately blooming feelings would wither before reaching their potential.   
  
“I thought about how we left off last,” he explained. “When you told me how you felt. I might have been a little too harsh on you —“  
  
“No, you weren’t,” Edward interrupted. The sound of his chair scraping against the floor hit Roy’s ears and suddenly Edward was closer to him, the gap between him and table much less. “I’ve thought about it too, you know. You’re not the only one who has reasoning capabilities.”  
  
“Oh?”  
  
Edward scoffed at Roy’s playfully ignorant question. It was the best Roy could do under the circumstance; he always thought Edward would hold a grudge against him, and that his words would forever be seen as nothing but rejection. Like he’d thought before, Edward was full of surprises.   
  
“You were trying to help me, right?” Edward said. “I hated your guts for months after that. Well, I hated you and I still loved you. It fucking sucked.”  
  
An unfamiliar tingle spread from Roy’s spine through the tips of his fingers. This was the second time Edward had said those words aloud. Last night he only implied them, and five years ago Roy had not believed them. It felt different to hear it voiced casually, and to be placed right next to their opposite. It was like a punch to the gut followed directly by a warm, engulfing flame.   
  
He couldn’t decide exactly what he should feel about hearing them, so he tried to hide his indecision behind a half hearted laugh and another sip of coffee.  
  
“Gee, how wonderful of you to tell me that.”  
  
Edward shrugged and continued on, like his words were just a fact to be shared.   
  
“Anyway. I roamed around for a while. I did a lot of stuff, saw a lot of things. I felt a lot of things.” He stopped, and Roy watched as he searched his face for something.  He held still, letting Edward look all he liked. Whatever it was he was looking for Roy wanted him to find it. “You knew I needed that, didn’t you?”  
  
“Well I am rather good with people, if you recall,” Roy replied with a soft chuckle. He wished he could tell Edward that was exactly his reasoning, that everything he’d said was thought out beforehand. With a sigh he shook his head and continued with the truth. “I don’t know if you can say I knew that. But I wanted that for you. You’ve always been important to me, Edward. In various ways.”  
  
“You tell me that _now_.”   
  
“I should have told you before,” Roy said firmly, his eyes stuck on and holding Edward’s. “But like I said, things change. You have. I have. Something between us is changing too. I think we can both feel it.”  
  
By Edward’s slight incline across the table Roy thought he must be right. Edward could feel it too. Did it feel different to him, he wondered? Or the same as it did to Roy; the same flutter and stop in his chest, the same douse of cold and heat at each new, small piece of the other that was discovered. Had this all happened to Edward before, and Roy was only catching up now?   
  
Either way, Roy had made up his mind last night to let things unfold as they would.   
  
“I’d like to see how this goes,” he added, and was rewarded with a smile from Edward that reflected the candlelight back to him with its brightness.   
  
“I’m not objecting,” Edward said. “I wanna see too”   

~~

Roy lingered over his coffee, but eventually the two of them left the restaurant. The sun had long set, leaving the night soft and dark. Streetlamps were far between this far from the central hub of the city, and they cast lonely, golden pools of light onto the pavement.   
  
It was late, but Roy didn’t feel the pull towards home. His bed, while warm and safe, didn’t hold the same comfort he felt right now in the cold dark with Edward walking in step beside him. Instead of heading towards his car he veered off, following the line of illumination.  
  
“Hey, where are you going?” The sound of Edward’s footsteps stopped and when Roy looked to his side Edward was a few paces behind. “Your car’s over there.”  
  
“Let’s take a walk,” he said, speaking over his shoulder at Edward. He was half covered in shadows, the side of his face washed in light. “I don’t want to bring you home yet.”  
  
Edward just shrugged and caught up to Roy with a few quick steps. They started to walk again, heading nowhere in particular. Roy had nowhere else to be anyway; his time was own for now, the usual thoughts of work pushed far away from his mind.  
  
He noticed Edward shiver as they continued on, and tug at the cloak around him.   
  
“Damn, its cold,” Edward cursed. Roy looked over in time to see him bury his chin into his collar and a small puff of white breath lift through the air. “I forgot how brutal Central gets in the winter. My leg’s killing me.”  
  
“Come here, then.” Roy stopped again, this time wrapping an arm around Edward’s shoulders and pulling him close to his side. His hair caught under Roy’s arm, trapped between it and his back. With his free arm Roy stretched and pulled it out, then let it fan over the arm across Edward’s back. “Better?”  
  
Edward’s cheeks were rosy, though Roy couldn’t be certain if it was from the air or the way their sides were now pressed together. He had an idea which it was, though, if only because he was fighting back the same response. It felt odd to be so affected by just a simple gesture. Neither of them were teenagers anymore. Walking with an arm around the other shouldn’t have caused them to blush. And yet here they were, both quiet as the heat rose to their faces.   
  
“Yeah…” Edward’s answer was soft, almost lost in the distant crunch of cars along other, more trafficked streets.   
  
Roy laughed, the small puffs of air now coming from him. He tugged Edward even closer, the motion oddly natural. “What’s the matter? Shy all of sudden?”  
  
“No!” Edward scrunched his face up, the space between his eyes wrinkling with the force. From his spot this close to it, Roy could see each line form and then relax. “You know what you’re doing!”  
  
“Enjoying myself?”   
  
Edward looked up at Roy and opened his mouth to say something. Maybe some smart comeback or further accusation. Instead he shut it again and smiled, like he’d decided to just do the same and enjoy himself too. A few steps later Roy felt Edward’s arm snake around his waist, his grip firm and steady.   
  
“I am enjoying myself,” Roy repeated with a bit of wonder when they reached a cross in the road. He said it lightheartedly a moment before, a way to tease Edward at the same time as reassure him things were going well. When he thought about it the statement became more and more true; Roy was enjoying every minute spent here tonight.   
  
“Yeah,” Edward said, glancing at him again when they stopped under the nearest streetlamp. “Why wouldn’t you be?”  
  
Roy didn’t look at Edward, but instead up into the sky. He watched the streetlamp flicker for an instant before remaining strong. Beyond that was the dark, with faint and far off stars partially hidden by clouds. Everything felt heavy, even the light weighing down on him when he considered Edward’s question.   
  
“I haven’t for a long time,” he said finally. Saying it out loud, and saying it to someone who meant something to Roy, was at once liberating and terrifying. “A really long time.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
Edward’s instant follow up caused Roy to sigh and his shoulders to slump. He leaned on Edward more, using the nearness of his body to keep him up.   
  
Why was a question he’d stopped asking. It got him nowhere but alone and half drunk, a bottle of wine with only the dregs left set on the counter. Why plagued him until he let it fade away, until he covered it up with layers of constant work and fake smiles.   
  
Something was wrong in Roy’s life, and the why behind it eluded him still.   
  
Maybe it was getting closer to the surface, though. Edward’s prodding and the safety his arm around his waist offered to let Roy dig the question out from its uneasy grave. It wasn’t pleasant, but maybe it was what Roy needed.   
  
“I don’t know,” he answered, truthful. Flashes of war, of loneliness, of death and fear made Roy briefly squeeze his eyes shut against the light above them. When he opened them again Edward was there, close and warm and patient. “There are a lot of things I have trouble getting over. Or forgetting.”  
  
Edward’s chin dropped and Roy watched as his feet kicked at a loose piece of gravel on the road.   
  
“Yeah…Me too.”   
  
Roy hadn’t forgotten the things Edward had been through, too. They both had their share of tragedies. Edward may have made it through with a cleaner record than Roy, but they both suffered. He wondered what nightmares Edward had, and if they were anything like his own.   
  
“But we’re not alone, you know.” Edward raised his head and found Roy’s eyes again. “I learned that. It’s okay that it’s hard. We’ve got people to talk to that understand. Or don’t, but are there anyway. We’ve got each other again now, too.”   
  
Edward’s growth hit Roy all at once. Under the light, the gold mirrored in his hair and in his eyes, Edward was whole and mature and his own person. The now familiar pull towards him took hold of Roy, and he turned to face him, his free arm finding a spot along the soft of Edward’s waist.   
  
“Roy?”  
  
  His name, still new on Edward’s lips, passed through the air and into his mind. It wrapped around him, warming his chest and heart and spurring something on inside of him. Edward right; they had each other again, but it was different now than before. Before Roy couldn’t share the troubles that welled up within in, and Edward hadn’t had the time to learn about his own. Now they were on an even field, each understanding themselves a bit more and free to help the other.   
  
Roy wanted the help, and he wanted to help Edward in return. In whatever form it took, he wanted to be there for him again, in a new, deeper way. In a way they could both hold to dearly, and in a way that left them looking at the path ahead not with a dull, numbed view but with expectation and excitement.   
  
“I think I want to kiss you,” Roy said, no hesitation in his words or desire to hold them back. It was something he’d never imagined he’d say, but just like the pressure of Edward’s arm around his waist, it felt right. But he couldn’t bring himself to do. Something still held him back; something still buried and struggling to hide. “Not yet, though.”  
  
“That’s-“ Edward’s lips were parted, red and full and ready to feel the heat of Roy’s on them. “That’s okay. Take your time.”  
  
Roy suddenly felt like crying, and he hid the dampness in his eyes by cupping the back of Edward’s head and tilting it down so he could press his lips against his hair. “Edward. Thank you.”   
  
“I don’t know for what,” Edward said. “But you’re welcome.”   
  
Edward stayed there for some time, Roy’s arms around him and in his hair. It was quiet and cold but neither of them moved to break the silence or warm themselves with action. _We both need this_ , Roy thought. He knew why he himself did, why any touch from Edward calmed him and set him alight at once, but he wondered why Edward needed it too. He’d find out, he promised. He wouldn’t let Edward be the only one to offer this comfort.   
  
A passing car caused them to break apart, and Roy switched to holding Edward’s hand instead of his shoulders. Whatever moment they shared passed, but the warmth would linger in Roy until well into the next day.   
  
“Come on, let me drive you home,” he said, and started to lead Edward back to the car. “Armstrong is probably waiting up like a concerned parent. I don’t want him to scold me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Classes start up again this week so new chapters won't be coming as often probably. Letting me know you're enjoying it helps a lot!


	5. Chapter 5

The days after Roy and Edward’s date passed in a blur.  
  
Roy’s usual routine stayed somewhat the same: wake up in the morning, dress in his officers uniform and down a cup of coffee for breakfast. Walk to Central Command, pass the gates and exchange varying levels of pleasantries with Riza and the others. Work.  
  
It was the evenings that were different. Some days Edward would be waiting for him outside, his feet kicking at the stone wall surrounding the building. His eyes would catch the dying sun and glimmer when Roy approached and they’d walk hand in hand back to Roy’s home, or to the store, or to a restaurant. Other days Roy would drive to pick Edward up and shrink under Armstrong’s encouraging and hearty pats on the back.  
  
His evenings were no longer the lonely, aching spots in his day. He looked forward to them now, his eyes tracing the passing shadows the sun sent into his office as each hour passed. When he went to bed at night it was more often than not without the aid of a bottle of wine, but with thoughts of what he and Edward would do the next day.  
  
There were small touches, too. Roy got used to the feeling of Edward’s soft, warm right hand. He thought Edward must have gotten used to Roy’s hands brushing the hair from his face too, with how frequently he did it.  
  
Roy still hadn’t kissed him yet though. There was always something stopping him. Doubt. Shame. Fear. Whatever he called it, it held still and fast.  
  
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to. He _did_. He wanted it so much his lips would part, his fingers lift Edward’s chin as they sat together, his thumb brush along his cheek. It was torture for Edward; he could see that in his eyes and the lingering way they looked at him.  
  
Edward didn’t press the subject. For that Roy was grateful. It was something he needed to sort out himself. Edward was patient in a way that Roy never expected from him. He was patient, or else he was holding back for his own reasons, too. Roy didn’t know which was the truth, but maybe it didn’t matter just then.  
  
That was what Roy was thinking on his way out of the office late in the week. That and the news he received from his superior officer that afternoon, weighing down on him like a pocket full to the brim with stones.  
  
The load was lifted when he saw Edward waiting for him. He took the remaining steps to him briskly, his coat dragging behind in the wind. He stopped just as Edward hopped down from the wall and stuck out his hand expectantly.  
  
Roy took it with his and continued on, Edward’s pace easily matching his own. He knew there were eyes watching from the high windows in Central Command. The open display of his new attachment to the previous Full Metal Alchemist wasn’t going unnoticed, and Roy had the feeling a headache was in store for him whenever someone decided to move against him.  
  
Which, as it turned out, was sooner rather than later.  
  
“I have to take a trip to Northern Command,” he said abruptly while they walked the familiar streets to Roy’s house.  
  
Edward stopped and dragged Roy to a halt with his still clasped hand.  
  
“What? You’re leaving already?” The instant of disappointment was obvious to Roy. Once he knew what to look for, Edward was easy to read. It was in the way the corner of his lips dragged just enough pull his cheeks, and the dimming of the light always burning behind his eyes. “Guess I was the who should have been worried about the other up and walking away.”  
  
“Believe me, I have reason to want to stay in Central now,” Roy said, emphasizing his words with a quick and firm squeeze of Edward’s fingers. His gloves held back the rush that bare skinned contact gave, but it was cold and still rare for him to remove them. “However, this is my job, Edward. I’ll be gone for a week if all goes well.”  
  
“A week, huh?” Edward started to walk again and Roy was forced to move as well, with Edward’s hand pulling him along. His chin lifted and his jaw set determinedly. “I could use some fresh mountain air. A week sounds good.”  
  
Roy’s brows furrowed in a moment of confusion. When he realized what Edward was doing he laughed and shook his head.  
  
“Is this you inviting yourself on my work trip?”  
  
“Yep.” Edward tilted his head up to catch Roy’s eyes and grinned. “Don’t even try and say you don’t want my company.”  
  
The thought didn’t cross Roy’s mind. It was a relief, in fact. Ever since he received the news that afternoon his thoughts were filled with how utterly _long_ a week would feel. That was strange to him — never before had he minded leaving Central for the occasional trip. But like he said to Edward; there was a reason to stay now, and that reason was looking up at him, sun streaming in his hair and casually inserting himself into Roy’s life with liquid ease.  
  
“Just behave yourself,” he said finally with a returned smile. “You’re not part of the military anymore. I can’t guarantee anything.”  
  
His own office had been happy to see Edward. They fawned over him still like a well loved toy returned from the heather, full of life and stories from his time away. The other offices, and another branch in particular, were less likely to be so accommodating.  
  
“Like I need you to babysit me,” Edward said with a wave of his free hand. They reached the corner that turned on to Roy’s street then and Edward’s voice took a drop in volume and confidence. “I just want to go with you. That’s fine, yeah?”  
  
Roy relaxed his grip on Edward enough to slip his hand along his back and up to the base of his neck. He fondly rubbed the downy hair there and was rewarded with Edward letting his head fall into the palm of his hand.  
  
“It’s more than fine, Edward,” he answered, and stepped along the walk to the front door that each day felt a little more welcoming.

* * *

The next day found Roy watching the county pass outside thick glass windows. Smoke from the train’s engine rolled by, clouding the view, but was swiftly left behind. There was sun from what felt like all angles, and the warmth of heating coils in the ceiling above.  
  
Edward was pushed to Roy’s side, his head leaning idly on his shoulder. Now and then Roy looked down and saw his eyes follow the trees or a passing bird, then blink and refocus. _He’s going to fall asleep_ , Roy thought. He could see the heavy way Edward’s eyelids fell, and the time to took to open them grew longer.  
  
They had left early that morning, with the sun barely crested above the city horizon. The earliest train, compliments of Central Command and the officer directly above Roy. Maybe they’d hoped he would miss the train, and miss his meeting the next day.  
  
But now the day wore on, and the little sleep from the night before was catching up to at least one of them. Roy rubbed Edward’s arm without thought, soothing the both of them.  
  
“Sometimes I feel like I’ve spent half my life on trains.”  
  
Edward’s voice was lazy, half a whisper nearly downed out by the clack of the train over its tracks. Roy looked down again and watched Edward take slow, even breaths. He didn’t seem likely to go on, though his hands teased at a fray on the sleeve of his coat. It began to unravel, thread by thread.  
  
“You do travel a lot,” Roy stated. Even before Edward had left Central his life consisted of uprooting himself time and again. A flash of a lonely home on a hill came to Roy, and the sound of a dog barking at his heels. He remembered the small, determined boy from so long ago, and the place he couldn’t call home.  
  
Was there somewhere now? Roy felt guilty realizing he hadn’t asked. It wasn’t Armstrong’s mansion, and it wasn’t out east with Alphonse. Maybe, Roy dared to think for an instant, it was right here, tucked beneath his arm.  
  
“You’re telling me.” Edward spoke again, and this time it sounded far away, like he was out there in the rolling hills and clouds. “It’s okay. I like it.”  
  
Something about Edward’s expression changed, and Roy moved his hand to rub his thumb along his slender cheekbones. There was more to what he said, even if he didn’t voice it. Edward wasn’t usually so dismissive about his feelings on things — two short sentences told Roy a lot.  
  
“But?” he prodded, keeping his voice soft to match Edward’s but distinct enough to not be lost in the chatter of the train car.  
  
“But I guess it gets lonely.” Edward sighed, his chest rising higher and breaking its steady, sleepy rhythm. His eyes were unfocused again, blurred over with whatever was clouding his mind. Roy wanted to sweep away the film and see them light up again, but he contented himself to wait for Edward to go on. “Before it used to be me and Al, you know? All the time. Now its usually just me.”  
  
Roy tugged at Edward’s shoulder, pulling him closer to his body. He fit so easily under his arm that Roy wondered how he had never noticed it before when they stood so close, or sat slumped together after arduous fights. Back then they may have both benefited from the contact; it could have kept them held together instead of leaving holes in need of mending now.  
  
But that was in the past. Now those holes and buried hurts were there, and this warm, soft pressure of Edward against his side told Roy it was doing its best to close the wounds for them both.  
  
“So even Edward Elric gets lonely, hm?”  
  
Edward rolled his eyes and nudged at Roy from his spot under his arm. “The hell is that supposed to mean? I’m a normal human, of course I do.”  
  
Roy was about to answer when a child dashed down the aisle of the car, their parent following more slowly after with a fond if exasperated shake of their head. He watched them stop at the end of the car before pushing through the door and disappearing. When he looked back he noticed more and more of the other train occupants, clustered in couples and groups among the bench-like seats.  
  
A younger couple with their heads bowed down giggled, the boy’s cheeks flush and rosy. An older women sat with a child on her knee, the man next to her dozing off with his arm around her. Two women sat across each other, but Roy saw their feet brush against each other’s when they smiled.  
  
Simple, happy moments surrounded him. Connection and the warm weight of love was in the air like humidity and Roy was melting with it.  
  
_Maybe this is it_ , Roy thought. _Or part of it._ Part of what was wrong in his life, and what had been wrong for years and years. He had connections at work and with friends he’d trust his life with. He had thought surely, surely, that was enough for him. There was no need any longer for anything stronger.  
  
Except, that was wrong. Looking around the train and seeing everyone sharing their lives with someone else put into words something Roy didn’t want to admit.  
  
“I’ve been lonely too,” he said after a long while. “And it’s been my own fault.”  
  
He said it, and it rang true in his heart. He let the relationships that began to form fall away. He let Edward leave five years ago without considering any other alternative. There were so many beginnings he left untended, fraying just like the sleeve of Edward’s coat.  
  
Roy didn’t want to leave this one unfinished. He didn’t want to leave Edward at all.  
  
“Good thing some determined hot shot walked back into my office, isn’t it?” he added, squeezing Edward’s shoulder. Now unearthed, some of the wounds Roy kept had room to start healing, and that was enough to make him smile and lean his head against Edward’s. “I don’t have time to be lonely anymore thanks to his incessant need to be around.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah,” Edward laughed, and Roy could feel the vibration through his side and his arm and his cheek: a pleasant rumble, shaking loose bits and pieces of him. “You like having me around, don’t give me that crap.”  
  
“I do like having you around, Edward.” Roy turned his head to look back out the window and watch the changing landscape. “I like it very much.”  
  
Outside the hills started to turn white with snow, and the sun reached a peak in the sky above. Roy watched it for some time, his thoughts clearing in the bright, reflected light. When he glanced down at Edward next his eyes were closed and his chest had taken on its slow beat again while he napped the afternoon away. Roy pressed his lips to his hair and breathed in before shutting his eyes as well.

* * *

  
  
It was late afternoon when the train arrived in North City. After that Roy and Edward took a car to the outskirts where a military training facility had rooms for visiting officials. By the time they were left on the side of the road to walk down the rest of the unpaved way the sun was beginning to set in the distance.  
  
Roy sighed as he trudged through the calf deep snow. On either side of the him snow drifts rose up, clearly unpacked by feet yet. He thought the driver could have made it down this part of the road, as evidenced by the tracks on the ground, but left them on their own anyway. It was another little smack in the face to remind him that people were still uneasy about his continuously rising rank.  
  
“Why’d you get sent to Northern Command in the winter?” Edward grumbled as he walked along slightly behind Roy. He could hear the drag of his foot in the snow, heavier than the rest of him. “They hate you at Central now or something?”  
  
“They’ve never liked me there. This is nothing new.”  
  
Sometimes he wondered why he still put up with it, but the closer he got to his end goal the more he accepted. It would all be worth it in the end.  
  
The training facility grew larger as the two of them continued to walk. They didn’t talk much, instead reserving their strength and body heat for the rest of the trek. Roy assumed Edward kept pace behind him and was too absorbed in his own thoughts to notice when the dragging of his foot fell silent.  
  
“Hey, Roy.”  
  
Roy turned around, expecting to see Edward close by. What he saw instead was a flash of white the instant before a ball of wet, cold snow made an intimate introduction to his face. He stumbled back in surprise, then wiped the crystals of left over snow off his cheeks and out of his eyes.  
  
“Very mature,” he said with a shake of his head.  
  
“Who said I was mature?”  
  
Edward stood about twenty feet away, his hands already packing another snowball. Even from this distance Roy could see the glint in his eyes, and whether it was just a trick of the setting sun or something more sinister didn’t matter. Roy knew where this was going.  
  
“If this is what you want —“ he started, bending down to push together a handful of snow. “You’re going to regret your confidence.”  
  
Roy’s aim was exceptional. Not as good as Riza’s back in Central, but he’d learned a thing or two from watching her over the years. His shot rang true and smacked into Edward’s shoulder, the impact causing it to splatter. Edward’s yelp was indignant, and Roy once again found himself laughing with an almost forgotten abandon.  
  
Edward didn’t think it was funny, though. He rose up to the challenge, his expression set and just a little intimidating. It distracted Roy long enough for him to miss the time frame he could have dogged Edward’s next attack with, and again a puff of powdery snow covered his face and hair.  
  
He didn’t wait to counter this time, and soon they were both wet and dusted in snow. Edward aimed for the face more often than not, Roy noted with concern. It was all he could do to avoid half of the throws and make it out of this with his vision intact.  
  
Still, he was having _fun_. His breath came in short puffs as he dodged and bent down to pack more snow. He laughed and didn’t care the sound echoed through the snow drifts and down the road. The image he saw in the mirror the other night before his date with Edward — the one with long lines along his lips and small ones at the corners of his eyes — disappeared and was replaced with a bubbling, _young_ feeling. He still had this: health, energy, enthusiasm. Maybe the saying was true. He was only as old as he felt.  
  
Roy’s moment of contemplation cost him another dry patch of his coat. Edward was already tossing another snowball at him when he shook himself off, and this time he wasn’t about to get hit. With a practiced snap of his fingers he shot out a thin line of flames, the bright burst lighting up the road around them. It made contact with the snowball in midair and fizzled to steam halfway between him and Edward.  
  
“Hey! Be careful!” Edward shouted, his eyes wide. “You could have singed my face off!”  
  
“You know I have better control than that.” Roy smirked and stood tall, a hand resting casually on his hip. “You’re just a sore loser.”  
  
“I am not!” Edward’s tone said all Roy needed to hear. “Now stay still!”  
  
Roy thought Edward would pick up another handful of snow, but he seemed to have a new idea now. He dashed across the distance between them and collided with Roy, his body impacting with a soft thud. One arm snaked around him and held one of his back, effectively keeping him in place.  
  
Roy saw Edward grin as he managed to grab a fistful of snow and bring his hand up, ready to smear it into his face, no doubt. “I’m way better than you at close combat!”  
  
Edward wasn’t the only one with a trick up his sleeve, though. With the hand not held behind his back, Roy sharply snapped his fingers again, pointed down towards the ground. Another thin, accurate stream of flame hit the snow by Edward’s feet, causing it to melt around him and give way.  
  
“Shit, shit shit!”  
  
Edward lost his footing in the now slippery and quickly disappearing snow. The flames vanished and he tried to steady himself, but in the end only made things worse. Still holding tight to Roy, he stumbled back and slipped, the both of them crashing to the snow softened ground.  
  
The fall knocked the breath from Roy’s chest, though when he looked down to see Edward’s laughing face beneath him he thought maybe that was the real reason he couldn’t breathe. His cheeks were rosy from exertion and cold, a few tears running from the corners of his eyes at the force of his laughter. This was Edward like Roy always wanted to see him: happy, whole, _comfortable._  
  
Roy rolled a little, steadying himself above Edward but not getting up just yet. He laughed too, unable to hold back a the ridiculousness of the situation.  
  
“Still more impulsive than tactical, I see,” he said, alluding to Edward’s full on attack that landed them there.  
  
“Shut up.” Edward playfully pushed at Roy’s torso with his trapped hands, but it didn’t feel to Roy like he really wanted him to move at all. “Impulsivity isn’t a bad tactic.”  
  
Roy quirked an eyebrow, considering Edward’s words. It was here again, the notion that it was okay to let himself do the small things he wanted to do, to not plan and plot out every move. To just be, and feel.  
  
“Is that so?”  
  
He had time to see Edward’s expression soften before he closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Edward’s. They were cold and slightly chapped from the wind, but soft and welcoming. His gloved hand reached up to cup Edward’s cheek and hold it in place while he kept his lips where they were, barely moving against Edward’s.  
  
The snow, wet and chilled, was forgotten. So were the deep wounds and the crushing loneliness. For a while all Roy felt was Edward and the warmth that seemed to flow out of him and into Roy, thick and slow like honey.  
  
He pulled away at some point, but kept his lips close. When his eyes opened they saw Edward looking back at him, blinking slowly.  
  
“You’re right this time,” Roy said, giving in fully to Edward’s view. The impulsive kiss was exactly the right thing to do. He could feel it all through his chest.        
  
“Do that again.”  
  
Edward managed to get his hands out from under Roy, alerting Roy that he was right before; Edward hadn’t been trying to push him off at all. He didn’t think about it long, because soon he felt Edward’s hand on the back of his head, tugging it down to meet his lips again. And again the world disappeared.  
  
Had this been what he said no to five years ago? A life time of Edward’s eager, almost needy kisses and the steadying, firm grip of his hands? Roy was just glad he had been given another chance at it at when they were both ready.  
  
The next time they broke apart they were both out of breath, their cheeks flushed deeper red than the cold had caused. “Well…” Roy said with, the heat of his exhale puffing white around them. “How does that stack up after waiting so long?”  
  
Edward’s smile filled his entire face, and the sun, now far down against the mountains, blazed his eyes gold. Roy saw himself reflected there, not looking old and worn down but exhilarated and _alive._  
  
“Could use some work. Better do it again.”  
  
Roy didn’t bother to catch his breath before Edward kissed him again. He was going to lose it anyway.  
  
This kiss lasted longer than the others, and Roy dug a hand into Edward’s hair, his fingers running through it and wishing he wasn’t wearing gloves. He didn’t miss the soft, faintly audible whine from Edward when he readjusted his position so his knee was between Edward’s legs for balance. Eventually they parted, but Roy didn’t feel the tight grip on the back of his coat loosen in the least.  
  
“More—“ Edward demanded, lifting his back from the snow to chase Roy’s lips.  
  
Roy just laughed and shook his head. He was out of breath and damp, and now that the sun was throwing shadows about he was cold. _Damn Northern Command_ , he thought. _Why hadn’t they sent him somewhere warm, where he could spend the night kissing Edward under a warm, star filled sky_.  
  
“We have plenty of time, Edward,” Roy said fondly. He pushed himself to his feet and offered a hand to Edward, who took it and stood. “No need to make up for all of it that we’ve lost out here in the cold.”  
  
They did have time, Roy realized. They had all the time left in the world, because he was certain now he wanted to spend it with Edward by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a longer chapter. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
